Baby only takes "contact naps" at 5 month old

Recently, I had a consultation with the parents of a 5-month-old breastfed baby who was waking up once or twice at night to feed. But the difficulty came from daytime sleep: the baby only took “contact naps” in the baby carrier and cried if they tried to put him to sleep in his bed. Yet this is what the doctor and the nanny recommended, in order to “give the baby structure.”

So, is sleep autonomy crucial at 5 months?

Baby sleep is a central issue for many parents, and there is a great deal of contradictory information available to them: the internet, social media, family, …

The immaturity of the brain and nighttime awakenings

A baby’s brain is developing rapidly during the first years of life.

A baby is born with a brain that is 25% the size of an adult brain, which explains its great immaturity. By comparison, a newborn chimpanzee has a brain that is 45% the size of the adult’s.

This small brain size is necessary for the baby to pass through the mother’s narrow pelvis (bipedalism has made the pelvis narrow).

Unlike other species, the human infant is in a state of complete dependence: unable to move independently, unable to feed itself, with an immature immune system. Primate babies (including human babies) sleep in their mothers’ arms, and this constant physical contact ensures that the physiological and emotional bond develops between mother and baby.

Unlike adults, babies’ sleep cycles are shorter—about 50 to 60 minutes—with phases of light sleep during which they wake easily. These nighttime awakenings are normal and are partly due to the immaturity of their nervous system, which is not yet capable of regulating long periods of deep sleep.

Moreover, these awakenings have a protective role: this regular arousal mechanism protects against sudden infant death syndrome, as it helps babies maintain a certain physiological vigilance.

=> This is part of natural infant development, and it is not an anomaly that needs to be “fixed.”

The need for proximity: a natural response for a young mammal

The intense need for proximity that babies have is a natural behavior among young mammals.

Breast milk is digested very quickly, which requires frequent feedings, including at night.

Beyond feeding, proximity to parents provides an essential sense of emotional and physical security for healthy development.=> For a young mammal, being away from its parent can mean danger (cold, a predator, hunger) and a vital risk.

Sleeping near parents or being carried or breastfed gives babies a sense of security, allowing them to regulate their temperature, heart rate, and breathing.

This need for contact, particularly strong in the first months of life, remains completely normal even at five months. At this age, it is still common for a baby to want to be rocked, breastfed, carried, or to have a parent nearby to fall asleep.

This is not a sign of excessive dependence but a biological response appropriate to their stage of development.

Physical contact, nurturing touch, and massage are important in a baby’s development

The evolution of pediatric practices explains the belief that babies must be autonomous

During the 19th and then 20th centuries in Western society, childcare practices evolved considerably: the hygienist movement with the discovery of microbes and the desire to reduce infant mortality, the first pediatric treatises encouraging separation from the child and strict methods to habituate babies to sleeping alone and at precise times. These methods, often involving prolonged crying, were justified by the belief that sleep autonomy was essential for child development. However, recent research in neuroscience and developmental psychology challenges these practices. It highlights the importance of a secure attachment bond for emotional and cognitive development.

In many cultures, babies are supported in their sleep and share the bed with their parent or are carried during the day for several years.

Sleep autonomy : a sleep-training strategy

Sleep autonomy, where a baby falls asleep alone without external help, is often considered a goal to promote sleep independence.

Social media is full of advice from sleep coaches encouraging “sleep support” with rituals and routines to help babies learn to sleep alone.

For some babies, this will work… and for others, it won’t.

Because the child’s temperament, history (what kind of birth? physiological or emergency C-section?), and the mother’s history (experience during pregnancy?) can also play a role.

Sleep is a physiological function that occurs when sleep pressure is sufficient. Autonomous falling asleep is a learning strategy that can be taught, but it is not a natural reflex.

Sleep training methods such as approaches where the baby is left to cry (5-10-15 method), gradually moving a chair away from the crib, or autonomous falling asleep can create a lot of stress—not only for the babies but also for the parents (I talk about it in this article).

These strategies are:

• energy-consuming: they require a lot of parental time, energy, mental load, and time to implement

• stressful: they can cause prolonged crying, which is a source of emotional stress for the whole family

Crying is often interpreted as a “lack of discipline,” when it is simply a form of communication through which the baby expresses an unmet need, often the need for proximity and comfort.

Contact naps is Responding to babies’ needs: key to a secure attachment bond

The different types of attachment

Attachment theory, developed by John Bowlby, highlights the importance of the relationship between a baby and their primary caregiver. The different types of attachment (secure, insecure-avoidant, insecure-ambivalent, disorganized) have long-term consequences on a child’s development. Secure attachment, fostered by sensitive and consistent responses to the baby’s needs, is associated with higher self-esteem, more harmonious social relationships, and better emotional regulation.

Responding to babies’ needs for proximity and comfort is not only beneficial in the short term for their sleep.

It is also a crucial foundation for developing a secure attachment bond. A secure attachment forms when babies know that their parents respond sensitively and consistently to their needs. There is a lot of confusion for the baby when parents respond only sometimes to crying: yes if they bump their head, but no if it’s bedtime.

The reality of our overloaded daily lives

In theory, baby sleep advice is helpful, but in practice, parents and nannies often face multiple constraints that prevent them from spending all their time rocking the baby to sleep. It is therefore useful to invite parents to reconnect with their instincts. Beyond grandmother’s advice or the neighbor’s recommendations, what do they feel when the baby cries? Do they feel the need to cuddle them? Do they prefer to let them cry? Do they feel anger or frustration because their task was interrupted? It is important to acknowledge these emotions and find suitable solutions. For example, babywearing—especially back-carrying as the baby grows—is an excellent option: it allows parents to meet their child’s need for proximity while continuing their daily activities.

Conclusion

Baby sleep is a complex topic that raises many questions and emotions: parental fatigue and exhaustion are real, worsened by the lack of support in a society where the family unit is often isolated and where maternity leave is clearly too short.

Frequent nighttime awakenings, the need for proximity, and difficulty falling asleep alone may seem confusing, but they are actually… normal. These behaviors are rooted in the child’s sleep physiology and are linked to their neurological, emotional, and relational development.

It is important to remember that each baby is different and that sleep needs evolve over time. Forcing a baby to fall asleep alone too early or ignoring their crying can be a source of stress for both the child and the parents.

References

• Safe Sleep, by James McKenna

• Attached at the Heart

• Sweet Sleep

• Webinar by Dr. Ball and her last book: how babies sleep

Simplified summary

• A 5-month-old baby wakes up at night to feed and has difficulty sleeping alone during the day.

• You are told to get him used to sleeping alone, but it’s not always easy.

• The baby’s brain is still developing, so he wakes up often at night. This is normal.

• Night awakenings help protect babies from dangers such as sudden infant death syndrome.

• Babies need to stay close to their parents to feel safe.

• Being close to their parents helps babies feel good and grow well.

• In some cultures, babies sleep near their parents for several years.

• Teaching a baby to sleep alone is possible, but it can be difficult and stressful for parents and the baby.

• It is important to respond to a baby’s crying, as this is how they express a need.

• Every baby is different, and it is normal if some babies have more difficulty sleeping alone.

=> The need for proximity in a baby is normal and part of natural development.

Disclaimer

This article aims to provide general information and does not replace medical advice. It is essential to consult a healthcare professional for any questions related to your personal situation.

Please contact me for advice or questions:

“My Baby Moon” by Elise Armoiry, IBCLC lactation consultant & founder of My Baby Moon.

More than 2000 families supported since 2014

Pham D, specialized in breastfeeding and sleep.

Email: info@mybabymoonibclc.com

Phone: 00337.49.50.67.82

Website: https://www.mybabymoonibclc.com/

Book with Elise